Tuesday 29 December 2015

Winter Storm Warning Crippling, 'Potentially Historic' 29/12/2015





  Home > Products > National Data >
000
WWUS43 KMPX 291716
WSWMPX

URGENT - WINTER WEATHER MESSAGE
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE TWIN CITIES/CHANHASSEN MN
1116 AM CST TUE DEC 29 2015

...AN AREA OF MODERATE SNOW TO PERSIST FROM SOUTH CENTRAL INTO
EAST CENTRAL MINNESOTA AND FAR WEST CENTRAL WISCONSIN INTO THE
AFTERNOON HOURS...

.A WINTER STORM WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT THROUGH THIS AFTERNOON
GENERALLY ALONG A LINE FROM MANKATO TO FARIBAULT TO ELLSWORTH
WISCONSIN...WHERE A NARROW BAND OF MODERATE SNOW WILL GENERATE AN
ADDITIONAL 1 TO 3 INCHES OF SNOWFALL.

COMBINED WITH SNOW THAT HAS BEEN FALLING SINCE MONDAY
EVENING...THIS WILL PUSH STORM TOTAL SNOWFALL TO 6 TO 13 INCHES
IN THIS WARNING AREA.

MNZ060-062-063-067-068-073-WIZ023-291830-
/O.CAN.KMPX.WS.W.0007.000000T0000Z-151230T0000Z/
HENNEPIN-RAMSEY-WASHINGTON-SIBLEY-CARVER-REDWOOD-ST. CROIX-
INCLUDING THE CITIES OF...MINNEAPOLIS...ST. PAUL...STILLWATER...
GAYLORD...CHASKA...REDWOOD FALLS...HUDSON
1116 AM CST TUE DEC 29 2015

...WINTER STORM WARNING IS CANCELLED...

THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN TWIN CITIES/CHANHASSEN HAS
CANCELLED THE WINTER STORM WARNING.

ACCUMULATING SNOW WILL CONTINUE TO DIMINISH THIS AFTERNOON.

$$

MNZ091>093-WIZ025-291830-
/O.CAN.KMPX.WS.W.0007.000000T0000Z-151229T1800Z/
MARTIN-FARIBAULT-FREEBORN-DUNN-
INCLUDING THE CITIES OF...FAIRMONT...BLUE EARTH...ALBERT LEA...
MENOMONIE
1116 AM CST TUE DEC 29 2015

...WINTER STORM WARNING IS CANCELLED...

THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN TWIN CITIES/CHANHASSEN HAS
CANCELLED THE WINTER STORM WARNING.

ACCUMULATING SNOW WILL CONTINUE TO DIMINISH THIS AFTERNOON.

$$

WIZ015-016-291830-
/O.CAN.KMPX.WW.Y.0022.000000T0000Z-151229T1800Z/
BARRON-RUSK-
INCLUDING THE CITIES OF...RICE LAKE...LADYSMITH
1116 AM CST TUE DEC 29 2015

...WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY IS CANCELLED...

THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN TWIN CITIES/CHANHASSEN HAS
CANCELLED THE WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY.

ACCUMULATING SNOW WILL CONTINUE TO DIMINISH THIS AFTERNOON.

Tuesday 22 December 2015

Hot Water Pressure Wash CDL Building





Groupe Multilave

Hot Water Pressure Wash CDL Building


Building Cleaning


Groupe Multi-Lave restores all types of industrial, commercial and residential buildings. Other than rehabilitating outer surfaces such as brick, stone, concrete, aggregate stucco, marble and wood, Groupe Multi-Lave also specializes in refurbishing interior infrastructures.   Our specialized services:
  •        Full cleaning of outer surfaces (graffiti, paint stains, wear marks, etc.)
  •        Degreasing of concrete floors
  •        Cleaning and restoring of warehouses and factories
  •        Refurbishing of lifts, cranes and bulldozers
  •        Cleaning of silos, basins, tanks, vats and reservoirs
  •        Steam cleaning of freezers, industrial refrigerators and cold chambers
  •        After-flood pumping
  •        Cleaning and dust removal of ventilating systems and vent pipes
  •        Acid etching cleaning of piping and metal parts
  •        Cleaning of boilers and sewers.

Industrial Cleaning

Groupe Multilave > Industrial Cleaning








Groupe Multi-Lave specializes in all areas of cleaning, restoring, sanitation and 
decontamination of industrial spaces and factory equipment.
Our specialized services in industrial cleaning:
  •        Sandblast cleaning
  •        Dry ice cleaning
  •        Low and high pressure cleaning
  •        Wet polishing pressure cleaning (high and low temperature)
  •        Chemical cleaning processes
  •        Dust residue, corrosion, rust, oil film, greasy deposits removal, etc.
  •        Stainless steel chemical pickling
  •        Machinery degreasing
  •        Duct and pipe network cleaning

Cleaning After Fire

Groupe Multilave > Cleaning After Fire




Offering fully specialized disaster cleanup services, 
Groupe Mutli-Lave works quickly and efficiently on-site in order to 
limit damages and prevent 
potential complications after flooding, spillage, vandalism, criminal acts 
and any other kind 
of disaster.
Our team, made up of knowledgeable professionals, understands 
the short and long term impacts that water, soot, smoke, fire and 
vandalism can cause. We ensure fast, targeted and efficient intervention 
in order to limit damages caused by all types of disasters that can occure in 
commercial, institutional, industrial and residential buildings.
Our expertise:
  •        Drying after flooding and major or minor water damage
  •        Cleaning and restoring after vandalism acts
  •        Decontamination, and mold and odor control
  •        Cleaning after fire
Thanks to our 24 hour service, we respond to any problem as soon as possible. 
Contact us at any time to call upon the expertise of one of our emergency disaster teams.



Graffiti Removal

Groupe Multilave > Graffiti Removal





Groupe Multi-Lave specializes in the complete removal of graffiti and paint stains 
on all types of outer surfaces such as brick, wood and concrete. We rely on new
 technologies that include the use of products specifically designed to protect 
surfaces. Less expensive and gentler than traditional sandblasting processes, the 
new alternative solutions that Groupe Multi-Lave resorts to are suited for restoring
 buildings that were damaged by aerosol or standard paint, markers, glue, etc. 
Do not let vandals disfigure your company’s building: ask for help from the leading 
graffiti removal experts in Montreal!
http://groupemultilave.com/
Blogged by Samuel Ezerzer
sml7777@gmail.com




Thursday 17 December 2015

Happy New Year 2016 ; (Feliz Año Nuevo, Bonne année 2016)







Happy #NewYear #2016 ;
Send to your Family and Friends
Feliz #AñoNuevo, 
#Bonneannée 2016

Happy New Year  2016 
Welcome New Year 2016! Celebrate


Happy New Year  2016 2016

Felice Anno Nuovo 2016,
Benvenuti Capodanno 2016! festeggiare

Feliz Ano Novo de 2016,
Bem-vindo Ano Novo 2016! Comemoro

С Новым Годом 2016
Добро пожаловать Новый год 2016! праздновать

Feliz Año Nuevo 2016
Bienvenido Año Nuevo 2016! celebrar

bonne année2 016
Bienvenue Nouveau 2016! célébrer

新年快樂2016年
歡迎新的一年2016年!慶祝

Happy New Year 2016
Welkom Nuwe Jaar 2016! vier

Gelukkig Nieuwjaar 2016
Welkom New Year 2016! vieren

Maligayang Bagong Taon 2016! magdiwang

Farsi سال نو مبارک    /                                                                                    sale nou mobarak
Filipino Manigong Bagong Taon    /                                                               

French Bonne Année bon          /                                                                       a-nay
Gaelic (Scotland) Bliadhna mhath ur          /                                                bleenah vahth oohr
German Frohes Neues Jahr / Gutes Neues Jahr frohes neuyis yar /        gutes neu-yis yar
Greek Καλή χρονιά     /                                                                                  kali chronya

Gujarati સાલ મુબારક   /                                                                                     saal mubarak (happy year)
Hebrew שָׁנָה טוֹבָה                                                                                               shana tova
Hindi नये साल की हार्दिक शुभकामनायें        /                                                   nayye saal ki haardik shubh-kaam-nayen
Hungarian Boldog Új Évet /      boo-ayk
Irish                  Athbhliain faoi mhaise dhuit / Bhliain nua sásta       /         awh-tvleen fwee mm-hay-sheh gutch
Italian Buon anno / Felice anno nuovo boo-on ah-nno /                /           fae-lee-chae ah-nno noo-o-vo
Japanese あけましておめでとうございます        /                               
Korean 새해 복 많이 받으세요                                                                 /        
Maltese Is Sena it -Tajba iz sena it taybah
Mandarin Chinese 新年快乐 xīn nián kuài lè
Maori Kia hari te tau hou kia hari tay tau ho
Polish Szczęśliwego Nowego Roku shch-eng-shlee-vego novego roku
Portuguese Feliz Ano Novo feh-liz an-oh noh-voh
Quechua Allin wata kachun qanpaq (singular) /all-yin wa-ta ka-chun kan-pak / 
Romanian La Mulți Ani / 
Russian С Новым Годом s/ 
Spanish Feliz Año Nuevo /
Thai สวัสดีปีใหม่ / 
Turkish Mutlu yıllar (happy year) / Yeni yılınız kutlu olsun (May your new year be celebrated) moot-loo yill-lar 
Urdu نايا سال مبارک
Welsh blwyddyn newydd dda B

Wednesday 4 November 2015

Angela Merkel's 'open door refugee policy will lead to civil war'

Powerful Hot Water Blasting #Graffiti Removal #Montreal





Powerful Hot Water Blasting Graffiti Removal #Montreal

Pressure wash cleaning for residential and commercial

Groupe Multi-Lave


Our team specializes in building‎ large-scale cleanups
Groupe Multi-Lave specialize in pressure wash cleaning of commercial, industrial and residential buildings; 
Cleaning after construction; Full cleaning of outer surfaces (graffiti, paint stains, wear marks, etc) 
We restore facades to their original appearance; clean all kind of surface: Cement, Concrete, Brick, Stone, Wood, Aluminium, and Steel. 
Degreasing of concrete floors 
Cleaning and restoring of warehouses and factories 
Cleaning and grime removal of machinery, machining devices and heavy machinery, cranes and bulldozers; 
Environmentally friendly cleaning products. 
We offer quality service for your home or business. 
Call now for a free estimation 
Samuel 514-661-3996 
cell 514-582-7779


Groupe multi- Lave spécialise dans le nettoyage a haute pression de bâtiments commerciaux, industriels et résidentiels ; 
Nettoyage après construction; Nettoyage complet des surfaces extérieures (graffitis, taches de peinture, etc.) 
Nous restaurons les façades à leur aspect original 
Nettoyez tous les types de surface : Ciment, béton, brique, pierre, bois, aluminium, acier. 
Dégraissage des planchers en béton 
Nettoyage et restauration des entrepôts et des usines 
Nettoyage et enlèvement de la crasse des machines, des appareils d'usinage et de la machinerie lourde, des grues et des bulldozers ; 
Produits écologiques de nettoyage. 
Nous offrons un service de qualité pour votre maison ou entreprise. 
Appelez dès maintenant et obtenir une estimation gratuit
Samuel 514-661-3996

#EU, Marcel de GRAAFF Blast Angela #Merkel on Islamic Invasion





#EU

Marcel de GRAAFF Blast Angela #Merkel on #Islamic Invasion 

Monday 2 November 2015

Iceberg Capital of the World Greenland’s Coastline like Floating Sculptures





Iceberg Capital of the World Greenland’s Coastline like Floating Sculptures
ICEBERG CAPITAL OF THE WORLD
Many of the picturesque icebergs along Greenland’s west coast calve from two North Greenland glaciers, and as luck would have it, they share the same name!
The largest collection of icebergs in Greenland exists at the Ilulissat Icefjord, thanks to one of the fastest glaciers in the world called Sermeq Kujalleq. True to its “iceberg capital of the world” nickname, Ilulissat is home to thousands of icebergs that can be seen year round by hiking, sailing, or flightseeing.

Tuesday 27 October 2015

Happy New Year #2016, Felice Anno Nuovo #2016, 新年快樂2016年





Happy New Year #2016 
Welcome   Celebrate

Felice Anno Nuovo #2016,
Benvenuti  #Capodanno2016  festeggiare

Feliz Ano Novo de #2016,
Bem-vindo   Comemoro

С Новым Годом #2016
Добро пожаловать Новый год 2016! праздновать

Feliz Año Nuevo #2016
Bienvenido   #AñoNuevo2016  celebrar

Bonne Anne  #2016
Bienvenue Nouveau 2016! célébrer

新年快樂2016年
歡迎新的一年2016年!慶祝

Happy New Year 2016
Welkom Nuwe Jaar 2016! vier

Gelukkig Nieuwjaar 2016
Welkom New Year 2016! vieren

Maligayang Bagong Taon 2016! magdiwang

Friday 8 May 2015

Iron Mountain Blueprint (1967) For Tyranny "Top Secret" Study of U.N. Military Takeover




Iron Mountain Blueprint (1967) For Tyranny "Top Secret" Study of U.N. Military Takeover 

Important Info

U.S. News & World Report claimed in its November 20, 1967 issue to have confirmation of the reality of the report from an unnamed government official, who added that when President Johnson read the report, he 'hit the roof' and ordered it to be suppressed for all time. Additionally, sources were said to have revealed that orders were sent to U.S. embassies, instructing them to emphasize that the book had no relation to U.S. Government policy

http://www.theforbiddenknowledge.com/... 

"Iron Mountain: Blue Print for Tyranny"

"Report from IRON MOUNTAIN" 
is a secret study by 15 reseachers ordered by JFK in 1961 , Lyndon Johnsen received the report in 1966, and kept it silent as bottom drawer material. In 1967 one of the researchers who called himself "John Doe" published it, and the media denounced it as a Hoax.... BUT... 

Never before has a Hoax, "REPORT FROM IRON MOUNTAIN ON THE POSSIBILITY
AND DESIRABILITY OF PEACE", developed into a accurate descriptionof the factual plans which are layed out before us, day by day.
Iron Mountain is a report created by 15 experts in their field about 
the problem of how geopolitical strategies must be changed and adapted in order to stay and maintain a successfull global governance, without the need to wage wars.

The general conclusion of this report is that at the time of writing , 
the 1960's, the trend to global disarmament was started, the USA would have to fall under the United Nations, U.N. and obey them. All souvereign nations borders will disappear, the army's of the USA and USSR will be vanished, a new army, the U.N. global army will take over, next to a new global federal police. Humanism will become the new theocracy... 
the old world religions will only be accessable inside museums.

Run time 141 min
Producer A Adams
Production Company Best Video Productions
Audio/Visual sound, color
Language English
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Repo...

Wednesday 6 May 2015

NASA ; Observes a Cinco de Mayo Solar X2.7-class Flare

The Schwab Foundation For Social Entrepreneurship

Paul Craig Roberts Terrifying US Collapse Ahead; Gold will Skyrocket part2

Paul Craig Roberts: Gold And Silver Prices Will Explode

Amazing Stock Market Prediction and Gold

Eric Holder ; Building Community Trust Tour with Attorney General

Tuesday 5 May 2015

John Gruber ; I Will Write"Daring Fireball" Till I F****G Die"



For the last 12 years, John Gruber’s tracked the modern era of Apple on Daring Fireball, his personal web site turned full-time job. Bootstrapped with reader contributions and shirt sales, John’s thoughtful approach to sponsorship allowed him to remain fiercely independent, while working on projects like Markdown, The Talk Show, and Vesper, his minimalist note-taking app.

Recorded in September 2014 at XOXO, an arts and technology festival in Portland, Oregon celebrating independent artists using the Internet to make a living doing what they love. For more, visit http://xoxofest.com.

Anita Sarkeesian; Combating Sexism in Video Games"Feminist Frequency"



Two years ago, Anita Sarkeesian decided to use Feminist Frequency, her video series on the portrayal of women in the media, to document sexist stereotypes and cliches in videogames. That project, Tropes vs. Women in Videogames, ignited a sustained campaign of violent threats and abuse, while raising over $150,000 from nearly 7,000 supporters. Despite the intense scrutiny, each video is essential viewing, a free masterclass in gender studies.

After describing Feminist Frequency's genesis as a video project meant to "bring discussions of feminist theory to a wider audience"—a pitch she used in her successful 2012 Kickstarter campaign—Sarkeesian wrote that her experiences over the past two years, full of "daily vitriol" from online commenters, have forced her to reexamine her organization's purpose. "As a result, we have expanded Feminist Frequency’s mission to include advocacy around ending online hate and abuse, analyzing and advancing awareness of how gendered harassment operates online," she wrote.

The letter said that current efforts include consulting gigs with "tech and game companies" regarding online harassment within their communities, along with helping other active online feminists come up with "long-term solutions to deal with the epidemic of online abuse and create mechanisms for support." The report's list of plans for 2015 doesn't specify exactly how that mission might change or grow, other than hoping to create "a network with a variety of different programs and hosts analyzing media from a systemic/intersectional/anti-oppression lens."
http://arstechnica.com/gaming/2015/01...

Recorded in September 2014 at XOXO, an arts and technology festival in Portland, Oregon celebrating independent artists using the Internet to make a living doing what they love. For more, visit http://xoxofest.com.

Twitter Co-Founder Evan Williams Reveals Secret Formula for Getting Rich Online



Twitter Co-Founder Evan Williams Reveals Secret Formula for Getting Rich Online
EV WILLIAMS HAS figured out the internet.

That’s what he told the gathered tech heads at the recent XOXO conference in Portland, Oregon, and while he may have said this with tongue partly in cheek, he spent the next 30 minutes unloading his unified theory of the global computer network, an interpretation formed after 20 years of hard thinking — to say nothing of his experience creating seminal internet companies Blogger and Twitter.
http://www.wired.com/2013/09/ev-williams-xoxo/

In his speech, Williams explained what the internet is, how it works, and how to get rich from it. Truth be told, Williams is not the best public speaker, but his message was clear: At a time when so many internet entrepreneurs are running around Silicon Valley trying to do something no one else has ever done, Williams believes that the real trick is to find something that’s tried and true — and to do it better. It’s a speech that should serve as a signpost, a bit of much-needed direction for the Valley’s younger generation.

Remembering XOXO 2014

Paul Ford, Ftrain - XOXO Festival (2014)

Ethics in Science ; Trends in Research Misconduct on The Rise



Ethics in Science ; Trends in Research Misconduct on The Rise;
Not just an academic issue
• Public health is perhaps most at stake when
medical research is found to be falsified or
fabricated.
• A 2011 article in The Journal of Medical Ethics
reviewed ~200 papers that were retracted due to
questionable data  the published research was
tied to 28,000 patients, 6,573 of whom
received treatment based on the research
presented in the retracted papers (Steen, 2011).
http://ncuraregioni.org/uploads/3/3/6...

JMBE Profiles with Kari Wester is an interview series that highlights the volunteers that comprise the Journal of Microbiology & Biology Education (JMBE) Editorial Board, the authors who contribute their work, and the education innovations that bring them together.

In this third episode of the series, Kari sits down with ASM's Publishing Ethics Manager, Erika Davies, to discuss the importance of scientific ethics, responsible conduct of research, and trends in research misconduct. Kari and Erika also discuss resources to help educate members and non-members alike about the importance of scientific integrity. The ASM resources mentioned, including JMBE’s Scientific Ethics section and ASM Press’ "Scientific Integrity" (4th Ed.) textbook and "Perspectives on Research Integrity" monograph, can all be found on ASMscience.org. Information regarding image manipulation can be found at asm.org/images/journals/Files/jrn_sample­­_images.pdf.

JMBE is ASM's premier science education publication that provides original, previously unpublished, peer-reviewed articles that foster scholarly teaching and offers readily adoptable resources in biology education. You can read JMBE online for free at ASMscience.org.

16% of Cancers Are Caused by Viruses or Bacteria




Where viruses and bacteria cause cancer

Strictly speaking, cancer is not contagious. But a fair number of cancers are clearly caused by viral or bacterial infections: lymphomas can be triggered by the Epstein-Barr virus, which also causes mononucleosis. Liver cancers can be caused by Hepatitis B and C. Cervical cancers can be caused by human papillomavirus, the major reason behind the development of a vaccine against it.  For some of these cancers, nearly 100% of the cases have an infectious link—when researchers check to see if a virus or bacterium is working in the tumor or has left signs of its presence in a patient’s blood, the answer is nearly always yes.

A new paper in The Lancet takes a look at the very best data on the prevalence of infection-caused cancers and comes up with some striking numbers. Overall, they estimate that 16% of cancer cases worldwide in 2008 had an infectious cause—2 million out of 12.7 million.

Until recently cancers were seen as lifestyle and genetic diseases, brought on by exposure to carcinogens or a mutated gene. Recent studies are linking microbes to many different kinds of cancers. Participants will discuss not only how infection with specific pathogens causes cancers but also how disruptions in the human microbiome can also cause disease.

Christian Jobin, University of Florida, Gainesville



Germs on a Plane: Harmful Bacteria Can Linger for Days, E. coli (96 hour)




Germs on a Plane: Harmful Bacteria Can Linger for Days, Study Finds (armrest, plastic tray table, metal toilet button, window shade, seat pocket cloth, and leather)
Disease-causing bacteria can linger on surfaces commonly found in airplane cabins for days, even up to a week, according to research presented at the annual meeting of the American Society for Microbiology.

"Many air travelers are concerned about the risks of catching a disease from other passengers given the long time spent in crowded air cabins," says Kiril Vaglenov, of Auburn University who presented the data. "This report describes the results of our first step in investigating this potential problem."

In order for disease-causing bacteria to be transmitted from a cabin surface to a person, it must survive the environmental conditions in the airplane. In the study Vaglenov and his colleagues tested the ability of two pathogens, methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA) and E. coli O157:H7 to survive on surfaces commonly found in airplanes. They obtained six different types of material from a major airline carrier (armrest, plastic tray table, metal toilet button, window shade, seat pocket cloth, and leather), inoculated them with the bacteria and exposed them to typical airplane conditions.

MRSA lasted longest (168 hours) on material from the seat-back pocket while E. coli O157:H7 survived longest (96 hours) on the material from the armrest.

"Our data show that both of these bacteria can survive for days on the selected types of surfaces independent of the type of simulated body fluid present, and those pose a risk of transmission via skin contact," says Vaglenov.

This research is laying the groundwork for important work to come.

"Our future plans include the exploration of effective cleaning and disinfection strategies, as well as testing surfaces that have natural antimicrobial properties to determine whether these surfaces help reduce the persistence of disease-causing bacteria in the passenger aircraft cabin," says Vaglenov.

They currently have ongoing trials with other human pathogens including the bacteria that cause tuberculosis.
http://www.infectioncontroltoday.com/...
Source: American Society for Microbiology




Monday 27 April 2015

India Holds Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation Accountable For Testing Tribal Children with Vaccines

Full transcript of President Obama’s White House Correspondents’ Association dinner toast




Good evening, everybody.
Welcome to the White House Correspondents’ dinner. A night when Washington celebrates itself. Somebody’s got to do it. And welcome to the fourth quarter of my presidency. It’s true — that’s Michelle cheering.
The fact is I feel more loose and relaxed than ever. Those Joe Biden shoulder massages — they’re like magic. You should try one. Oh, you have.

I am determined to make the most of every moment I have left. After the midterm elections, my advisors asked me “Mr. President, do you have a bucket list?”  And I said, “Well, I have something that rhymes with bucket list.”
Take executive action on immigration. Bucket.
New climate regulations. Bucket. It’s the right thing to do.
My new attitude is paying off. Look at my Cuba policy. The Castro brothers are here tonight. Welcome to America, amigos. Que pasa? What? It’s the Castros from Texas. Oh. Hi, Joaquin. Hi, Julian.
Anyway, being president is never easy. I still have to fix a broken immigration system, issue veto threats, negotiate with Iran. All while finding time to pray five times a day. Which is strenuous.
And it is no wonder that that people keep pointing out how the presidency has aged me. I look so old John Boehner’s already invited Benjamin Netanyahu to speak at my funeral.
Meanwhile, Michelle hasn’t aged a day. I ask her what her secret is and she just says “fresh fruits and vegetables.” It’s aggravating.
Fact is though, at this point my legacy is finally beginning to take shape. The economy is getting better. Nine in ten Americans now have health coverage. Today thanks to Obamacare you no longer have to worry about losing your insurance if you lose your job. You’re welcome, Senate democrats.

Look, it is true I have not managed to make everybody happy. Six years into my presidency some people still say I’m arrogant, aloof, condescending. Some people are so dumb. No wonder I don’t meet with them. And that’s not all people say about me. A few weeks ago, Dick Cheney says he thinks I’m the worst president of his lifetime. Which is interesting because I think Dick Cheney is the worst president of my lifetime. Quite a coincidence. I mean everybody’s got something to say these days.
Mike Huckabee recently said people shouldn’t join our military until a true conservative is elected president. Think about that. It was so outrageous 47 Ayatollahs wrote us a letter trying to explain to Huckabee how our system works.
It gets worse. Just this week, Michele Bachmann actually predicted that I would bring about the biblical end of days. Now, that’s a legacy. That’s big. I mean, Lincoln, Washington, they didn’t do that.

You know, I just have to put this stuff aside. I have to stay focused on my job. Because for many Americans this is still a time of deep uncertainty.  For example, I have one friend just a few weeks ago, she was making millions of dollars a year and she’s now living out of a van in Iowa.
Meanwhile, back here in our nation’s capital we’re always dealing with new challenges.
I’m happy to report that the Secret Service — thanks to some excellent reporting by white house correspondents — they are focusing on some of the issues that have come up. And, they have finally figured out a fool proof way to keep people off my lawn. [image of John McCain] It works. It’s not just fence jumpers. Some of you know, a few months ago, a drone crashed landed out back. That was pretty serious, but don’t worry, we installed a new state-of-the-art security system. [image of Joe Biden] You know, let me set the record straight. I tease Joe Biden, but you know he has been in my side for seven years. I love that man. [applause] He’s not just a great Vice President, he is a great friend. We’ve gotten so close in some places in Indiana, they won’t serve us pizza anymore. [laughter] [applause]
I want to thank our host for the evening, a Chicago girl, the incredibly talented Cecily Strong. [applause] On Saturday Night Live, Cecily impersonates CNN  anchor Brooke Baldwin, which is surprising, because usually the only people impersonating journalists on CNN are journalists on CNN. [laughter]

ABC is here with some of the stars from their big new comedy “Black-ish.” It’s a great show, but I have to give ABC fair warning, being black-ish only makes you popular for so long. Trust me. There is a shelf life to that thing.
As always, the reporters here had a lot to cover over the last year here on the East Coast. One big story was the brutal winner. The polar vortex caused so many record lows, they renamed it MSNBC.
But, of course, let’s face it, there is one issue on every reporters minds, and that is 2016. Already, we’ve seen some missteps.

It turns out Jeb Bush identified himself as Hispanic back in 2009, which, you know what, I — look, I understand. It’s an innocent mistake. It reminds me of when I identified myself as American back in 1961. [laughter] [applause]
Ted Cruz said that denying the existence of climate change made him like Galileo. Now that’s not really an apt comparison. Galileo believed the Earth revolves around the sun. Ted Cruz believes the Earth revolves around Ted Cruz.
And just as an aside, I want to point out, when a guy who has his face on a Hope poster calls you self-centered, you know you’ve got a problem. The narcissism index is creeping up a little too high.
Meanwhile, Rick Santorum announced that he would not attend the same-sex wedding of a friend or loved one, to which gays and lesbians across the country responded, that’s not going to be a problem. Don’t sweat that one. [laughter]
And Donald Trump is here. Still. [laughter]

Anyway, it’s amazing how time flies. Soon, the first presidential contest will take place, and I for one cannot wait to see who the Koch brothers pick. It’s exciting. Marco Rubio, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, Jeb Bush, Scott Walker, who will finally get that red rose? [laughter]
The winner gets a billion dollar war chest. The runner-up gets to be the bachelor on the next season of “The Bachelor.”
I mean seriously, a billion dollars from just two guys. Is it just me, or does that feel a little excessive? I mean, it’s almost insulting to the candidates. The Koch brothers think they think to spend a billion dollars to get folks to like one of these people. It’s got to hurt their feelings a little bit. And, look, I know I’ve raised a lot of money too, but in all fairness, my middle name is Hussein. What’s their excuse? [laughter] [applause]
The trail hasn’t been easy for my fellow Democrats either. As we all know Hillary’s private e-mails got her in trouble. Frankly, I thought it was going to be her private Instagram account that was going to cause her bigger problems. [Shows photos of Hillary Clinton]
Hillary kicked things off by going completely unrecognized at a Chipotle. Not to be outdone, Martin O’Malley went completely unrecognized as a Martin O’Malley campaign event. And Bernie Sanders might run. I like Bernie. Bernie’s an interesting guy. Apparently, some folks want to see a pot-smoking socialist in the White House. We could get a third Obama term after all. It could happen.

Anyway, as always, I want to close on a more serious note. You know, I often joke about tensions between me and the press, but honestly, what they say doesn’t bother me. I understand we’ve got an adversarial system. I’m a mellow sort of guy. And that’s why I invited Luther, my anger translator, to join me here tonight.
[Applause: Keegan-Michael Key joins on stage.]
LUTHER: Hold on to your lily white butts!
OBAMA: In our fast-changing world, traditions like the White House Correspondents’ dinner are important.
LUTHER: I mean, really! What is this dinner? And why am I required to come to it? Jeb Bush, do you really want to do this!
OBAMA: Because despite our differences, we count on the press to shed light on the most important issues of the day.
LUTHER: And we can count on Fox News to terrify old white people with some nonsense! (inaudible) That was ridiculous.
OBAMA: We won’t always see eye to eye.
LUTHER: And, CNN, thank you so much for the wall-to-wall Ebola coverage. For two whole weeks, we were one step away from “The Walking Dead.” Then y’all got up and just moved on to the next day. That was awesome. Oh, and by the way, if you haven’t noticed, you don’t have Ebola!
OBAMA: But I still deeply appreciate the work that you do.
LUTHER: Y’all remember when I had that big old hole in the bottom of the gulf of Mexico, and then I plugged it? Remember that? Which Obama’s Katrina was that one? Was that 19 or was it 20, because I can’t remember.
OBAMA: Protecting our democracy is more important than ever. For example, the Supreme Court ruled that the donor who gave Ted Cruz $6 million was just exercising free speech.
LUTHER: Yes, it’s the kind of speech like this, I just wasted $6 million.
OBAMA: And it’s not just Republicans. Hillary will have to raise huge sums of money too.
LUTHER: Aw yeah, she’s going to get that money! She’s going to get all the money! Khaleesi is coming to Westeros! Watch out! Woo!
OBAMA: The non-stop focus on billionaire donors creates real problems for our democracy.
LUTHER: And that’s why we’re running for our third term!
OBAMA: No, we’re not.
LUTHER: We’re not?
OBAMA: No.
LUTHER: Who the hell said that!
OBAMA: But we need to focus on big challenges like climate changes.
LUTHER: Hey, folks, if you haven’t noticed, California is bone dry. It looks like a trailer for the new “Mad Max” movie up in there. Y’all think that Bradley Cooper came here because he wants to talk to Chuck Todd? He needed a glass of water! Come on.
OBAMA: The science is clear, the science is clear. Nine out of the 10 hottest years ever came in the last decade.
LUTHER: Now I’m not a scientist, but I do know how to count to ten.
OBAMA: Rising seas, more violent storms…
LUTHER: You got mosquitoes, sweaty people on the trains stinking it up. It’s just nasty!
OBAMA: I mean, look at what’s happening right now. Every serious scientist says we need to act. The Pentagon says it’s a national security risk. Miami floods on a sunny day and instead of doing anything about it, we’ve got elected officials throwing snowballs in the Senate.
LUTHER: Okay, I think they got it, bro.
OBAMA: It is crazy! What about our kids? What kind of stupid, short-sided irresponsible bull —
LUTHER: Whoa, whoa whoa, whoa!
OBAMA: What?
LUTHER: Hey!
OBAMA: What!
LUTHER: All due respect, sir, you don’t need anger translator. You need counseling.
LUTHER: And I’m out of here, man. I ain’t trying to get into all this.
OBAMA: Go.
LUTHER: [to Michelle Obama] He crazy.
OBAMA: Luther, my anger translator, ladies and gentlemen.
[Applause]
Now that I got that off my chest — you know, investigative journalism, explanatory journalism, journalism that exposes corruption and justice gives voice to the different and the marginalized, the voiceless — that’s power. It’s a privilege. It’s as important to America’s trajectory, to our values, our ideals, than anything that we could do in elected office.
We remember journalists we lost over the past year. Journalists like Steven Sotloff and James Foley, murdered for nothing more than trying to shine a light into some of the world’s darkest corners.
We remember the journalists unjustly imprisoned around the world, including our own Jason Rezaian. For nine months, Jason has been imprisoned in Tehran for nothing more than writing about the hopes and the fears of the Iranian people, carrying their stories to the readers of “The Washington Post,” in an effort to bridge our common humanity. As was already mentioned, Jason’s brother Ali is here tonight and I have told him personally, we will not rest until we bring him home to his family safe and sound.

[Applause]
These journalists and so many others view their work as more than just a profession, but as a public good, an indispensable pillar of our society, so I want to give a toast to them. I raise a glass to them and all of you, with the words of the American foreign correspondent Dorothy Thompson.
It is not the fact of liberty but the way in which liberty is exercised that ultimately determines whether liberty itself survives.
Thank you for your devotion to exercising our liberty and to telling our American story. God bless you. God bless the United States of America.